Ghost to Spectre 1
by Carmarie
Summary: A few ficlets set between Call To Action and Rebel Resolve where space family has to deal with Kanan being gone. (not in any chronological order, originally posted by me on ao3 before Rebel Resolve aired.) FORMAT FIXED
1. hera and ezra

Zeb usually snores, but when Ezra wakes up crying in the middle of the night from a nightmare, he doesn't hear the familiar rumble of his Lasat roommate's breathing. That's because Zeb is still awake, unable to sleep night after night since Kanan's capture

"Zeb?" Ezra asks. Zeb doesn't want to embarrass Ezra or let on that he's heard him cry, so he pretends to snore again, and Ezra, convinced he is alone cries quietly until he's out of tears.

Eventually Ezra decides to head to the 'fresher to wash his face and get some water, and try to go back to sleep. Out of the corner of his eye he notices the door to Kanan's room hissing shut.

"Kanan?" Ezra rushes in, wildly hoping that his master reappeared in the middle of the night…

But he sees Hera, settling down onto the bed with her back to him. She sits bolt upright, blushing.

"What are you doing up?" "Can't sleep." There's silence for a moment. "Me neither." She pats the edge of Kanan's bed, and Ezra sits.

Hera notices that his eyes are puffy, and his hair is more disheveled than usual. But she doesn't mention anything. This has taken a toll on all of them. Hera sighs. "I miss him, too. But he'll be fine. We'll get him back." She scratches Ezra's back slowly, as reassuring as she can. Is she saying it more for Ezra or for her? She pushes the thought from her mind.

Ezra looks away, hair falling in front of his face. Hera reaches a hand out to brush the hair aside, but he turns farther. "Ezra, hey. Look at me." She's losing her composure, too, and gulps down a lump in her throat. Ezra turns back around shamefully to reveal tear-streaked cheeks and eyes squeezed shut.

And Hera understands. Ezra, who had opened his heart and let his guard down for a new family, fears more than anything to lose it again.

She draws him in close. She would never let that happen. Not on her watch. After a while, Ezra's sobs recede into sniffles, and soon his breath evens as he falls asleep with his head in her lap. She leans her head against Kanan's bedframe, stroking Ezra's hair, and stares defiantly into the darkness. Not on her watch.


	2. sabine and ezra

Sabine wakes up in the early hours, needing to use the 'fresher. She slips out of her room quietly and slinks down the hall, groping along the wall in the darkness. When she reaches the common area, she passes her hand over a light pad and-

Ezra is sitting at the table, staring intently at the holoimage of some schematics they'd recently procured.

"Can you turn that light down? I need to see this. I'm working."

Sabine, bleary-eyed and blinking, obliges. "Kid, what are you doing up?"

"I'm working," Ezra repeats. "I didn't want to keep Zeb up." He waves an arm in frustration, barely looking away from the schematics.

Sabine bites her lip. Zeb could hardly be sleeping, she knew. Instead, he's probably staring at the wall and fitfully dozing, just like he had for the last few nights, trying to seem unconcerned and unruffled for Ezra, like this was as normal as any other routine op… whatever "normal" even is anymore

Sabine sits and leans across the table, looking at the sketchy lines of the blue holo. "You're working on… what?" she asks.

"The plan. We can't go in there with no plan B. We need a back up plan."

"And when do we ever have one of those?" Sabine says lightly.

Ezra frowns. "Well, that's always where Kanan comes in, isn't it?"

"Oh, come on, like he's ever been good at that," she jokes. When Ezra doesn't smile, she looks down. "You've… you've been here all night, haven't you?"

Ezra nods.

"You need to get your sleep, Ezra-"

"We don't have time for that!" he says angrily, pushing down on the table as he starts to stand, but then checks his voice with a glance around the darkened common area. Quieter as he settles back to his seat, he says, "Kanan doesn't have time for that."

Sabine knots her brow. She replies determinedly, "Look. Kid. It's gonna work. I can feel it. And when we go get Kanan tomorrow, he's gonna want you awake to see it."

Ezra doesn't meet her eyes.

"You'll need all your energy tomorrow. You've done all you can for now. Come on, let's get you to bed."

Any other day, Sabine knows Ezra would have tried to toss back what he thought was a witty retort. _"Oh, so you're trying to get me into bed, huh?"_ But he is silent. Sabine sighs. "Listen. I'm gonna use the 'fresher, and when I get back, well…"

"Yeah, yeah.

Sabine rises to use the 'fresher, and when she's finished she washes her hands slowly and takes a moment to compose herself in front of the mirror. Her brown eyes stare tiredly back at her. She can hardly imagine how much sleep Ezra and Zeb are running on…Or Hera. In her head, she composes a speech to give to Ezra about why he needs to sleep, and how being exhausted isn't any help to Kanan-

But when she steps back out into the common area, he's gone, and the Ghost is once again dark and quiet.


	3. zeb

Hera had parked the Ghost in deep space, settling them into a wide orbit around a cluster of developing stars. A nebula, she'd called it, and Sabine had plastered her face to a viewport for hours looking at the brilliant, glowing colors

Zeb could hardly have cared less. He'd hoped she would've chosen to camp out somewhere with an atmosphere, so he could go outside.

But no. Instead, he'll have to work out and do all his target practice inside the ship. He grunts as he slides down the ladder to the Ghost's main cargo bay. Chopper's grumbling seems more and more reasonable to him by the day now. There's a set of free weights tucked behind a panel in the wall, and he picks light ones to warm up with, then works up to doing several sets back-to-back with the heaviest. Panting slightly, he collapses on his back on the floor for a moment to catch his breath.

There's no time for this. What are they even doing out here, anyway?

Zeb hears the light thumps of footsteps in another section of the ship. Probably Ezra, pacing and talking himself through another backup plan. Or maybe it's Sabine, trying to distract herself by painting. Tension's been high since Kanan got captured. Nearly two standard weeks had passed since then. Zeb had tried to act like this was all normal for his own peace of mind, like Kanan had planned it all out this way anyway. It was like that time they'd smuggled the kid into the Imperial academy on his own for a little while and couldn't contact him. That's what this is now, why they aren't hearing anything from Kanan. It's just routine radio silence.

It's just another job.

Zeb rocks himself to his feet and does another set. He pushes himself now, hard. Working up a sweat is the best way to deal with any negative emotion. That, and taking out Imperials. But as Hera has them drifting through space at the moment, he really has just one option. Sweat it out.

Anger begins to rise in Zeb's chest. _Better out than in,_ a small voice in the back of his head says. _Better than how you've dealt with anger in the past._

This isn't how he would do it. All this waiting, planning, sneaking around... They were being too careful. He'd tried waiting and planning before, back on Lasan. He'd tried to act with caution and... he'd lost everything. Garazeb Orrelios had lost everything from being too careful... too careful about his own skin and nothing else, he hated to admit. It was because of his own selfishness and survival instinct that he'd survived, but he'd hardly been able to protect any other Lasats. It was his job as a member of the Honor Guard to protect Lasan, but they were overpowered and outnumbered and Zeb knew he was no good against the Empire dead. At least, that was what he told himself.

That same self-serving attitude was what angered him so much about Ezra the first time they'd met. He'd thought the kid was like how he used to be, far too much. He had acted how the old Zeb would have - with regard to himself, only thinking about his own hide, not about the bigger picture.

And now. It wasn't that they were being selfish by acting with caution. They were fighting smart, trying to reach in to grab Kanan without sacrificing anyone else. Zeb understands this, but it still doesn't set right with him. He'd joined up with Hera and Kanan from the start to prove, not just to them, and not just to the Empire that he was fighting material, but to himself. And all this waiting is not what he signed up for. It's frying his nerves.

Zeb doesn't like to think about the past. He doesn't like to think about the future too much, either. And so his brain forces him back into the present as his muscles scream through the last few reps of a tough set.

"Zeb?" It's Ezra, calling to him from over a railing.

The Lasat drops the weights to the ground with an exhausted sigh. "What," he growls.

"Hera's got dinner ready, so..." Ezra trails off, looking at Zeb and all his sweat stains. "She'll pro-o-obably want you to wash up first," he says, and the corner of his mouth twists into a smirk.

Zeb turns his face away to hide a smile. Maybe the kid's doing okay after all, being that he was starting to make smelly-Lasat jokes. "Tell her I'll be up in a few."


End file.
